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Heiress Rae's Unsolicited Dating Advice: The In Between Girl

Yesterday after my unsolicited dating tip of the week posted, I received several DM’s asking what an “in between girl” is. I suppose in hindsight the term does require some explanation, so here goes:

Quite a few years back, long before I met my husband, I was involved in an on-again-off-again relationship. (While being on and off doesn’t automatically qualify you for between girl status, it is highly suspect and certainly puts you on the path!) The guy and I would be good for a time, and then suddenly it would all end. Months and sometimes years would pass but eventually, he’d always return. Each time he came back, I believed it was because what we had was special. I convinced myself that he had found his way back to me because I was where he belonged. Whenever he  popped up, it was always with a grander more romantic gesture and declaration of his love and loyalty to me than the last time. There was always some new group of friends to be introduced as, “the one”. I believed him. I believed I was the one and that even when he started seeing someone else that he would be back because… well… we belonged together. I believed each time we reunited that that was the last time, and it never was. Before I knew it, seven years had passed and we were still doing the same thing: breaking up and making up.

I remember after the final break up finding out he was expecting a child with a woman he told me he wasn’t involved with. The real kicker is, he wasn’t with her either! He has off planting his flag on new uncharted territory. Then it all finally settled in my heart: I was the girl he’d see on the way out of his last relationship and just before the next one. The in between girl. Like a waiting room or a hallway, and when that next door opened, he was gone. I finally realized he was always between relationships and instead of taking time to be with and learn himself, he would come crawling back to me. Foolishly, I would let him. That was our cycle. No one matured. No one learned the lesson that relationship was trying to teach us until the night came where I got that phone call in the middle of the night, and ignored it.

My hope is that if you locate yourself in my story, it doesn’t take you seven years to choose yourself and put an end to that relationship. I can tell you from experience, it doesn’t get any better. You truly teach people how to treat you, and you’re only teaching this guy that your heart is a revolving door! You deserve better, and once you believe that, better will find you.


  • CeCe

    I think Im the inbetween girl right now

  • Kaitden

    Thank you for your transparency Heiress Rae!

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